Let's Talk About Weight Loss

So, I've decided to turn a new leaf. I'm going to kick that nasty habit of eating nothing but bullshit all the time. 

Let's be honest, we've all said those words how many times? We've all started some ridiculous diet that takes a ton of money to start up, leaves us cranky and hungry, and we end up going right back to our old ways. I know what you're thinking right now, this is another add for another one of those stupid diets; wrong. 

I'm not a nutritionist. I'm not an expert. I don't know what miracle food just came out that will make you drop fifty pounds, just like that! I can't make you lose ten pounds in seven days. So, if you're looking for a quick miracle, this is not the post for you. 

Here's what I can tell you about diets. My mother has spent my entire life trying to shed the baby weight she gained while pregnant with me. She has tried Slim fast, weight watchers, neutrasystem, every detox diet known to man, and guess what? Each time she stops those ridiculous diets she is right back where she started, plus twenty pounds give or take. So, put away your wallet. Unless, of course, you're going grocery shopping. 

So, what is the real point of this post? Well, it's definitely weight loss, mine in fact. I'm now in my early twenties, and I have never been thin. I've always been uncomfortable with my body, to the point that once I had an eating disorder. Now, I'm ready to lose weight again; the right way. 

What is the right way? If you scan the internet, you'll probably find a million posts just like this one, all promising the same thing. I'm not going to promise you anything. All I'm going to do is give you a piece of advice. 

Stop fad dieting!!!

That's right. Stop paying for diets. In fact, stop "dieting" all together. 

Did she just say stop dieting?!? 

Yes. Yes I did. 

But, Ellie, how can you lose weight without dieting? 

Well, are you losing weight while dieting? Really? I feel like if you were you wouldn't be here. 

I'm going to tell you the only thing that will help you lose weight and keep it off. Instead of dieting, change your diet. Your daily diet, your forever diet. The only way to lose weight and keep it off is if you change your whole way of thinking and start being an overall more healthy person. 

First, go to your cabinets right now. Do you see chips? Cookies, snack cakes, boxed pasta dinners? Throw them away. Just throw them all in the trash, and start over. 

Second, when buying your food, never go hungry. Make a list, and stick to your list. Buy healthy food. Raw vegetables, lean protein, fresh fruits. Avoid anything boxed, prepackaged, or made with tons of preservatives. Avoid all cereals. They are all sugar, over processed, and typically have little true nutritional value, especially the ones that claim to be "for weightloss" or "organic" products. I have a gluten intolerance, so I don't even buy bread. Also, I dropped ten pounds the month I stopped eating white potatoes. Just extra things to consider.  

Third, begin an exercise regimine. No, you don't have to get a gym membership and spend everyday there, but exercise is important. Even if all you do is take a walk before work every morning, that is something. Start small, work your way up, and stay motivated. You can even add exercise to your daily activities. Park farther from the entrance to the store, take the stairs, get up from your desk more often, or even stand while there. The only thing that matters is that you're moving. 

Fourth, don't count calories, do maintain portions. Sometimes things with fewer calories are worse for you, so just counting calories isn't going to help you lose weight. Focus on what you're eating, rather than its calorie content. However, you need to maintain portions. See the food triangle, or any nutritionist website for the proper ones for your age, gender, and weight. 

Fifth, it's okay to go out sometimes, so long as it isn't everyday. It's okay to have a cookie. Sometimes. As long as you don't eat the whole box. It's okay to have a lazy day as long as you are exercising most of the time. Being healthy isn't about living a sad life with yucky food. 

Lastly, give your body a month before you start wondering why you haven't lost any weight yet. Typically your current weight reflects what you did two to four weeks ago, so stay motivated for at least that long. This is the real reason most diets fail. After a month, you could become concerned, but honestly, what can hurt from simply being more healthy? 

I hope this helps. Also, don't worry so much. Keep confident, and keep your head up. Check Pinterest for good recipes for healthy foods. You may even consider smoothies as an option. I know a few fantastic recipe options. 

Thanks for reading! 

Xoxo,

Ellie, 

Don't Insult the Disabled

So, most of you know that my girlfriend is a quadriplegic. This means she is paralyzed from the chest down and has little mobility of her entire body. Since we met, we have posted several pictures, videos, and posts about our relationship. For the most part, the feedback we've received has been positive. We've been called an inspiration. But today, I received two anonymous questions on Tumblr that I cannot ignore. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I can take insults. I can ignore snarky comments about my weight or my hair. I can pretend I didn't hear someone talk about my accent or my childish temperament. But this I cannot sit back and watch. These insults are not on me. These insults are on my life and my love. They are on a person who has done no wrong, so I hope whoever sent these sees this one day and is ashamed. 

To anonymous. You are insulting someone who's mobility, goals, and dreams were stolen from them at the age of 16. You are insulting someone who spends each day fighting depression because everything she loved about life she can no longer reach. You are insulting someone who lacks the motivation to get out of bed someways. You are insulting someone who doubts her ability to be a wife, a mother, or even a person at all. You are insulting a girl who's only wrong doing was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Let me tell you something, anonymous, the fact that you were so cowardly as to post such insulting garbage on my page makes you the most disrespectful POS ice yet to meet. I wish for one day you could feel what she feels. I wish for one day you could know the pain of feeling nothing. Not the soft skin of a baby or the heat of a lovers touch. I wish for one day you could know what it means to have one person on the planet that loves you without an ounce of selfishness. Perhaps maybe then you'd understand how cruel and vile your heart is. 

So next time you're feeling like insulting someone, maybe don't insult someone who cannot defend herself. Because let me tell you, there's an army ready to do it for her. Can you say the same about yourself? 

XOXO 

Ellie, 

The Truth About True Love

We've all got it. You know what I'm talking about; the love bug. We've got it. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are all searching for "the one." Can we blame us? We've been programmed to believe in soulmates and happily ever after since childhood. Is there any truth to it? Yes and no. 

When it comes to love, what we have to realize is that it comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes. No love is the same, just like no person is the same. So, when do we know we've found the right love? Is it those butterflies in our stomach when we hear that name? Is it the fireworks we feel at the slightest contact? Is it our sudden and strange urge to be near this person more than any other person? I don't think so. 

Most people who have been in a relationship long enough will admit that the butterflies fly away, and Fourth of July can't last all your life. Clearly, if those things don't last, trusting the future of your love life on such things isn't full proof. So what is? 

Well, I've been toying with that a lot myself lately. I'm on the end of my divorce at the young age of 20, and I've had my fair share of heartaches. I'm currently in one of the most challenging  relationships of my life, and yet, I feel as if this is the strongest. So, I think I've got it. 

If you've read my previous posts, then you know my girlfriend is a quadriplefic. Everyday, I get her out of bed and dressed and whatever else she needs. And then at night, I get her back into bed. There are times when I think this frustrates us both, but I love her anyway. It's when she's sleepy and I pick her up and carry her to bed without even a mental complaint that I know she's the one. I think that's the answer you're looking for folks. 

The right love; the "true love" will be the love that loves you without conditions. You don't have to change a thing about yourself or give up the things that you love. This person loves you no matter what you do; this person loves you unconditionally, with or without the sparks. That's why it lasts because no matter how stinky your shit gets, they're still going to love you. 

So keep looking for that love. Keep looking for the person you don't want to change. Keep looking for the person who doesn't want to change you. And don't settle for less. You deserve that love. You deserve a love that still loves you when you're being a total ass for no reason. You deserve a love that doesn't give up on you, and makes sure you know they never will. Keep looking. That love is out there. 

When the Honeymoon Phase is Over

Every relationships starts out with that phase that we all call the "honeymoon phase." It's that point in the relationship at the beginning when everything seems so perfect, and basically this person shits glitter and roses. You get the goosebumps and the butterflies, and the two of you are inseparable by choice. This person has no flaws and does no wrong. But what happens when that phase ends?

A relationship can't always stay that way. Eventually, you've got to face reality and realize that your significant other's shit stinks just like everyone else's because you're finally to the point where you're comfortable enough to shit at one another's house. You suddenly realize that they chew like an elephant walks or the way they brush their teeth is disgusting to you. Maybe its that they don't separate lights and darks in the laundry. Maybe its that they laugh to loud or don't ever get off their phone. Whatever it is, you realize that this person isn't perfect; this person you love has flaws too. What do you do when the Honeymoon Phase is over?

Honestly, you move on. No, no, no, not to another relationship and start over; you move on with your current relationship. You realize that while this person has flaws, these flaws aren't life and death, and its not something you can't over look. In some cases, that's not possible, and that's definitely okay. When it comes to the honeymoon phase, it's all about growth. The two of you grow each and everyday. What matters is which direction you grow; together or apart.

Loving someone means loving them even with their flaws; its realizing that as much shit as they dish out, they're taking it as well. It's not going to be easy. You're going to have to compromise, and give in more than your foolish pride would like. But maybe that's the point; maybe, just maybe, the point of getting past the honeymoon phase and into the shit pile of your relationship isn't about how much shit you go through. Maybe it's about who's holding your hand while you're going.

When it comes to the end of the honeymoon phase, and you're thinking to yourself, "is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?" ask yourself the real question. Can you live without this person? Can you go a day without thinking about this person? Could you go a lifetime without seeing their smile?

If they answer is no, then I think you know the answer to that first question.
Ending the honeymoon phase isn't about putting the spark to rest; it's about igniting the real flame.

Living With Someone With Disabilities

Hello my avid readers; all two of you. If you hadn't already noticed, I haven't posted to my recently started blog in a while. Well, that is due to the move. My girlfriend and I made the hard decision recently to move in together. It is a hard decision because everything with us is hard. A lot has changed for me since we made this decision, and I thought it was worth a post.

First off, let me say that moving in together is big no matter what. You have to downsize, rearrange, communicate. You won't be able to go out whenever you want because you have someone waiting up for you. You have someone to answer to, even if it isn't a controlling relationship. When you live with someone, especially someone you're romantically involved with, it's typical to feel the need to share everything, and you should! Unless it's your toothbrush. Gross.

What was my point again? Oh, yes. I think what I'm trying to say is that living together has even more challenges than the average couple. Each day I wake up and I must decide not only what I am going to wear, but what she is going to wear. Half the time, dressing myself is hard enough. Let's just say I'm a wreck when it comes to being an adult, or a girl, or even just a human being.

Anyway, once she's dressed, and cleaned if needed, I'll fix her hair, wash it if it's dirty, and make us something to eat. After that, the day is ours. I mean, once the dishes are done, and the laundry has been put away, and the liter box has been cleaned out, and the dogs have been walked and....well you get the idea. We have so much time together, and yet, so little time together. 

Before you think for a second I'm having second thoughts, I'm not. I met her after her accident. I knew what I was getting into, and I love her wheels and all. All I'm saying is that it's really tough to get pants over someone else's butt when they can't do the wiggle thing. Ladies, you know what I mean.

My biggest point is that living with someone with disabilities is hard. You can't share the chores. You can't expect a home cooked meal when you come home from work. You do everything for yourself, and then do everything for them, and you cannot get angry, you cannot be impatient. You have to stay calm. Because it's a felony to choke a quadriplegic. Technically it's a felony to choke anyone, so I guess that doesn't just apply to me.

Now that I've made anyone and everyone who's considering moving in with their significant other, or friend, with disabilities scared for their life, let's get on to the good stuff!

First off, she can't leave me. Woot! While that's true, it makes it convenient when we fight. She cannot just storm off and leave me hanging. She has to sit and stick it out just like me. Second, she's always there when I come home. Sometimes that's not the best thing. I'm sort of an asshole, so sometimes coming home is a matter of life and death. Or maybe just a matter of whether or not I'll have my shins in the morning. Regardless, it's nice to know that you won't ever come home to an empty bed. She's always there. Third, she makes me feel wanted and needed. She depends on me in a way that most people don't have to. There is never a day that I don't have purpose. Taking care of her is my purpose, and that may not seem like much, but it's her world.

We aren't normal for more reasons that I could explain in this text post. But we aren't so abnormal either. We still fight, we still disagree, we still build one another up, and we still love each other more than anything else. Living together changes things for every couple, but a couple with disabilities faces challenges that the average person could never understand. Don't fret, though. You can do this.

Xoxo
Ellie J

Why Parents Need to Stop Using the Bible Against Their Homosexual Children

I thought long and hard before I began writing this post. There's probably a thousand controversial things that could be said about the title alone, and I'm sure some smart ass out there will have something to comment before they even finish reading. So, before I get to my main point, let me first address the argument before it begins.

I am not against Christianity, or any other religion for that matter. My goal here is not to belittle or degrade what someone else believes in. I am not someone who sets out to convert people away from God, and I certainly do not want to disprove the Bible.

So that being said, lets get to it.

The reason I am writing this post is because this issue affects me personally. My girlfriend is not accepted for who she is in her home. She is constantly reminded of the poor choices she is making, and the risk of her eternal life. She has no support from those who are supposed to love her most in a world that already treats her like a foreigner for the injuries she obtained at no fault of her own.

First, let me state this as plainly as I can, no one is perfect. Quoting directly from the Bible itself, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone does one thing or another that perhaps God would not approve of. Yet, we rarely tell an expecting sixteen year old that she is going to hell.

Second, for all those who state that homosexuality is a repeated sin, and we must repent, I'm here to set the record straight. It is impossible to follow everything in the Bible, and therefor, everyone sins on a daily basis. Care for me to explain? Well, good because I was already going to. 

• The divorce rate today is higher than my paycheck at my day job, yet the bible is ridden with verses that speak of God's sheer hatred for it. And when I think of all the people I know who tell me I'm going to hell, more than half of them are on their second, perhaps third marriage. For reference, I've included just a few of the verses on God's view of divorce (Malachi 2:13-16, Matthew 19:3-6, Matthew 19:7-9, Matthew 5:32-34) 
• The Bible is full of so many things that we cannot legally follow today such as slavery, stoning our daughters for having sex before marriage, selling our daughters into marriage, having multiple wives...you feel me? 
• There are tons of rules that we don't currently follow in today's society. For instance, who turns down a trip to Red Lobster unless they have a shellfish allergy or are inhuman enough to hate seafood? Yet, take a look at Leviticus 11:12, which states: "These you may eat, of all that are in the waters. Everything in the waters that has fins and scales, whether in the seas or in the rivers, you may eat. But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is detestable to you. You shall regard them as detestable; you shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall detest their carcasses. Everything in the waters that has not fins and scales is detestable to you." Basically, shrimp and crab are a nogo in God's rule book. 
• Women are also not allowed to do much of anything unless it involves cooking, cleaning, pooping babies, and bowing down to their husbands. 1 Timothy 2:12 states "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but be in silence." 1 Corinthians 14:34 states "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak." So, zip the lip, ladies, and remember, you can't be the CEO like you've always dreamed, and Presidency? Forget about it! But wait! It still gets better! According to Deuteronomy 22:5 "The woman shall not wear that which partaineth unto a man, neither shall a ma put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." In retrospect, I feel as if all Transgenders just slipped right onto Satan's nice list with one verse, but in all honesty, apart from a few cultures, what modern women don't slip on a pant suit every now and then?

I could honestly go on, but I feel as though my point is made. Clearly, I'm full speed on the hellfire choo choo, waving my rainbow flag with a smile on my face but when we look back at some of these verses, we have to see that according to these type of rules, so are 90% of the Christian population. My point isn't to say that no one should worship God. My point isn't to make someone change their belief. 

My point is simply to say that, as a Christian, you pick and choose. Everyday, you choose which verses to follow, and which ones to ignore because clearly in today's society, you cannot follow them all. So my question to all of those parents who say to their children, "I cannot support your lifestyle because God say's its wrong," How can you choose not to follow verses such as divorce, and shellfish, which seemingly hurt no one, but you choose to follow the one verse that hurts your child; the one verse that forces your own flesh and blood from your heart?

The Introduction

Hi, I'm Ellie.

I recently decided to start this blog, and once I finally got to it, I realized I wasn't really quite sure what to write about. It wasn't until I thought about it that I found my answer. How can I write about any topic without first explaining why I'm qualified to do so? How can I give advice without first showing I know what I'm talking about?

Well, here it is:

First off, I'm twenty years old, and I just recently released my first novel, The Travelers. I decided I wanted to write at the age of ten, and I've been hashing out crappy manuscripts ever since. I suppose this was the very first that I truly thought was worth sharing; or perhaps it was just the first I wasn't completely embarrassed to let someone read. Whatever it was, everyone who's read it so far is eager for the sequel, which boosts my self esteem.

That leads me to another need to know thing about me. I'm also a recovering anorexic. I spent five years of my life having people tear me down about my weight. After a while, I couldn't see myself as beautiful anymore. I saw myself several sizes larger than I was. The numbers on the scale were never small enough, and the amount of calories I consumed a day was never low enough. It took years before I could see the good things about me; the things that even I loved about myself. Its still a struggle, though. I still get those urges to skip a meal or run an extra mile. I still wonder if I lost a few pounds, would I still be married right now?

Oh look, another topic! I'm on the downhill side of my divorce. Yes, you heard me right, twenty and divorced. I married too young, to the wrong person, at the wrong time, in the wrong place, in the wrong way. We were only married six months before we separated. She had cheated on me, and I left in the middle of the night after packing as much as I could fit into my car. At the time, I wondered why I wasn't good enough. If I lost weight, would she love me again? What did I do wrong? Turns out, I'm not the one in the wrong; I'm not the crazy one. Okay, that's not true. 

I suffer from PTSD and Anxiety. The PTSD is a result of childhood abuse and the anxiety comes from the self isolation from the PTSD. Together, the two have helped me develop yet another disorder called Dissociative Amnesia. This basically means that at any point, if I get too stressed or upset, I can forget things. The first time it happened, I forgot four years of my life. Its slowly been coming back since I've lowered my stress level and cut out the wrong people from my life, but I still live in fear that it could happen again. 

I'm also a BIG lesbian. That's right, throwing around the 'L' word. Good show, by the way. I currently have a girlfriend. Her name is Kara, but I don't think she'll be my girlfriend for too long. Nothing ever lasts right? I'm hoping one day she'll be my wife, but this time, I'm gonna do it right. No more of this divorce business. 

Kara's special too. She had an accident that broke her neck, and now she's in a wheelchair. She cannot feed herself, bathe herself, dress herself, or even get herself out of bed. Someone else has to do everything for her, all because of a distracted driver. I don't mind though. Taking care of her gives me purpose. Not to mention, with all my issues, it takes someone truly broken to be able to take care of me. Besides, I don't think she'll be in that chair forever, not if I have something to do with it. Determination is half the battle, and motivation is the other half. 

I feel like I'm forgetting something. Maybe I'll think of it another day and blog about it, so that's all for now. Thank you for reading, and I hope to get to know you better too. 

xoxo, 

Ellie,