Don't Insult the Disabled

So, most of you know that my girlfriend is a quadriplegic. This means she is paralyzed from the chest down and has little mobility of her entire body. Since we met, we have posted several pictures, videos, and posts about our relationship. For the most part, the feedback we've received has been positive. We've been called an inspiration. But today, I received two anonymous questions on Tumblr that I cannot ignore. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I can take insults. I can ignore snarky comments about my weight or my hair. I can pretend I didn't hear someone talk about my accent or my childish temperament. But this I cannot sit back and watch. These insults are not on me. These insults are on my life and my love. They are on a person who has done no wrong, so I hope whoever sent these sees this one day and is ashamed. 

To anonymous. You are insulting someone who's mobility, goals, and dreams were stolen from them at the age of 16. You are insulting someone who spends each day fighting depression because everything she loved about life she can no longer reach. You are insulting someone who lacks the motivation to get out of bed someways. You are insulting someone who doubts her ability to be a wife, a mother, or even a person at all. You are insulting a girl who's only wrong doing was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Let me tell you something, anonymous, the fact that you were so cowardly as to post such insulting garbage on my page makes you the most disrespectful POS ice yet to meet. I wish for one day you could feel what she feels. I wish for one day you could know the pain of feeling nothing. Not the soft skin of a baby or the heat of a lovers touch. I wish for one day you could know what it means to have one person on the planet that loves you without an ounce of selfishness. Perhaps maybe then you'd understand how cruel and vile your heart is. 

So next time you're feeling like insulting someone, maybe don't insult someone who cannot defend herself. Because let me tell you, there's an army ready to do it for her. Can you say the same about yourself? 

XOXO 

Ellie, 

The Truth About True Love

We've all got it. You know what I'm talking about; the love bug. We've got it. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are all searching for "the one." Can we blame us? We've been programmed to believe in soulmates and happily ever after since childhood. Is there any truth to it? Yes and no. 

When it comes to love, what we have to realize is that it comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes. No love is the same, just like no person is the same. So, when do we know we've found the right love? Is it those butterflies in our stomach when we hear that name? Is it the fireworks we feel at the slightest contact? Is it our sudden and strange urge to be near this person more than any other person? I don't think so. 

Most people who have been in a relationship long enough will admit that the butterflies fly away, and Fourth of July can't last all your life. Clearly, if those things don't last, trusting the future of your love life on such things isn't full proof. So what is? 

Well, I've been toying with that a lot myself lately. I'm on the end of my divorce at the young age of 20, and I've had my fair share of heartaches. I'm currently in one of the most challenging  relationships of my life, and yet, I feel as if this is the strongest. So, I think I've got it. 

If you've read my previous posts, then you know my girlfriend is a quadriplefic. Everyday, I get her out of bed and dressed and whatever else she needs. And then at night, I get her back into bed. There are times when I think this frustrates us both, but I love her anyway. It's when she's sleepy and I pick her up and carry her to bed without even a mental complaint that I know she's the one. I think that's the answer you're looking for folks. 

The right love; the "true love" will be the love that loves you without conditions. You don't have to change a thing about yourself or give up the things that you love. This person loves you no matter what you do; this person loves you unconditionally, with or without the sparks. That's why it lasts because no matter how stinky your shit gets, they're still going to love you. 

So keep looking for that love. Keep looking for the person you don't want to change. Keep looking for the person who doesn't want to change you. And don't settle for less. You deserve that love. You deserve a love that still loves you when you're being a total ass for no reason. You deserve a love that doesn't give up on you, and makes sure you know they never will. Keep looking. That love is out there. 

When the Honeymoon Phase is Over

Every relationships starts out with that phase that we all call the "honeymoon phase." It's that point in the relationship at the beginning when everything seems so perfect, and basically this person shits glitter and roses. You get the goosebumps and the butterflies, and the two of you are inseparable by choice. This person has no flaws and does no wrong. But what happens when that phase ends?

A relationship can't always stay that way. Eventually, you've got to face reality and realize that your significant other's shit stinks just like everyone else's because you're finally to the point where you're comfortable enough to shit at one another's house. You suddenly realize that they chew like an elephant walks or the way they brush their teeth is disgusting to you. Maybe its that they don't separate lights and darks in the laundry. Maybe its that they laugh to loud or don't ever get off their phone. Whatever it is, you realize that this person isn't perfect; this person you love has flaws too. What do you do when the Honeymoon Phase is over?

Honestly, you move on. No, no, no, not to another relationship and start over; you move on with your current relationship. You realize that while this person has flaws, these flaws aren't life and death, and its not something you can't over look. In some cases, that's not possible, and that's definitely okay. When it comes to the honeymoon phase, it's all about growth. The two of you grow each and everyday. What matters is which direction you grow; together or apart.

Loving someone means loving them even with their flaws; its realizing that as much shit as they dish out, they're taking it as well. It's not going to be easy. You're going to have to compromise, and give in more than your foolish pride would like. But maybe that's the point; maybe, just maybe, the point of getting past the honeymoon phase and into the shit pile of your relationship isn't about how much shit you go through. Maybe it's about who's holding your hand while you're going.

When it comes to the end of the honeymoon phase, and you're thinking to yourself, "is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?" ask yourself the real question. Can you live without this person? Can you go a day without thinking about this person? Could you go a lifetime without seeing their smile?

If they answer is no, then I think you know the answer to that first question.
Ending the honeymoon phase isn't about putting the spark to rest; it's about igniting the real flame.